PhD

At the End of Waiting

Yesterday evening......

My phone was ringing, 7:51 pm, from you! Finally! After last Sunday! We were talking for about 13 minutes, discussing about my day and your family! lol. Golden voice, let me call you that way! This bed is getting bigger without you! This room is getting colder without you! This blanket is no longer warm me without you! This is absolutely novels' language! lol

I am at the office at the moment, counting my data! Waiting for lunch time!

Good day Blog!

My beloved Gorontalo

Adieu

I bid you a fond adieu.

Fare thee well,  my sweet; I will forever, miss you,
out among the golden rays of the sun,
which to whom, could not come pair,
to the very shade of your curling yellow hairs.

I swore, my love,
you were right here,
not just a moment ago.
Now a memory is all which remains.

I bid you a fond adieu, my darling.
For our time has come and gone.
Another life, just maybe;
then, I will get to hold your hand anew.

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/248827/i-bid-you-a-fond-adieu/

Adieu

Gouge my love to a fine vermillion
Sink these eyes in an exquisite loss
You ruined me for anyone else
And left just as soon as you'd arrived

—The moon curled up like a foetus
The bitter gales sail on these nights
I can't quite drink away
Just close my eyes and pray for the light of day

In these hours I can't think
Of anything else
And I'd give everything I own
Just so I could forget

Don't you get it?
I never wanted anyone but you
But you never even tried to
Be anything like I was for you
And I blame myself for it all
Just like always when it was always all your fault

I can only say this so many times
So I'll say it once more so you hear me
I hope that one day you find someone
Who makes you feel even half of what I wanted of you for me
And I hope that man breaks you up in his hands
To then watch you fall through his fingers like sand

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/616043/adieu/ 

Our Togehterness Yesterday

Yesterday evening.............

You texted me on Whatsapp, but then I did not reply. Curious why I did so, you texted me again on  Viber now. Still I did not reply. Actually, I was busy in my office, tried to finish my data analysis counting in my excel until around 7 o'clock. We were involved in a small argument through Viber. As usual, nothing special on it. It likes a primary need for two of us. Then an hour later, you called me asking if I am available, as you plan to come over after working. So happy!

Then............

The night was turning into blue night, Michael Learns to Rock's song was playing when two devils running out of blood. Actually they are not devils, just Dracula. lol

You will be leaving for Melbourne for 3 or 4 days. Feels like the heart is not longer part of me!

Adios!I love U more!

 

Upside Down

Yesterday......

We met! Like a boat in an anchor, very calm, but I know even on a calm water it might drift anytime soon! I need to get prepared! Anyway, I love it! I love it when we were together! Arguing, debating, then kissing after that! Life is too short to not to be with you. Thanks for bringing me such a warm and amazing evening in a winter time! You are the only one I need! 

This morning....

I had a meeting with my supervisor for my data analysis! So proud of my hard work last couple months! I did it right! I will start writing for my draft of overall data finding! For the next month I will be writing 7 pages of my general data and working with lots of tables! Wish me luck! 

Bismillah.... 

 

 

Kim Cesarion - Undressed

"Blue" Memory

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” 
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

This afternoon.....

In my office, I had a plan to publish my thesis from my master degree in international journal. When I reached home, I directly opened my old hard drive from my master degree back to 2009-2010. Reading my assignments from all courses that I had done during that time makes me missing "you". A man from the past, let me call you that way. Perhaps you are married now, at least that is you told last time when I called you. "I just came back from my Paris honeymoon", you said. I trusted you that time, but then couple months later I realised that you were lying to me. I have no idea why you told me so. I know you went there with your brother! lol. If you ask me how do I know that, I will easily answer, I know that from pictures of your social sites. lol. What do you think? Hmmm I am such a clever clog to solve that simple matter, dude! Aren't I? lol

Anyway, I should thank my brilliant idea of getting published my thesis this afternoon. As I am drifting away from you now my boy! It can be inferred that you have totally forgot me. I know! I knew it exactly since you never responded to my email, though the email was sent out just to greet you for the happy Ramadan.

Ah! Case closed! Happy for you! Please bare in mind that memory will nave fade away! As Lois Lowry, The Giver  said “The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” . That is the reason why I am writing and share it with all of you here tonight. Finally, let me close this post by quoting Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love You and I Love You to Bits; “How do you know when it's over?"; "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.” 

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/memories

Fidgetiness

This afternoon......

There was a weekly research seminar of School of Communication, International Studies and Languages. As usual, as a PhD student I have to attend it. I saw her! I know, it is not her fault at all, but I do not know why I am so hating myself as I am jealous to her. She is so beautiful with lovely skin, big eye, pointed nose, clever; perfectly as a lady! I know this is not supposed to happen, while she is one of my best friend here in this foreign country! Forgive me my friend, I am jealous to you! There must be something wrong with me! Every time I meet her, I feel like crying! I always imagine you both are together! Arggghhhh,,,, Just can not accept that fact! This is absolutely silly when I realised you are still with me and not with her! But still!!! I think I have possibly lost my mind! 

I could not accept the "what if" if it is dealing with two of you. I am sorry....

Despondent

Could not sleep though tomorrow will be Monday (Awwwww, now is already Monday!!!!) Geeeee!!!!

My mind is still running here and there (actually just running into you) sad :(

Missing you!!! (Who??!!! Still blurry at all) Second :(

Nice dream to you "baby"...... (Who?????!!!! I don't even know who!) Third :(

At the end, love is the winner!

Finally, the stone was melted! The stubborn was changing! The call was made by "a donkey" to "his" princess. Absolutely, the princess could not deny her lover. The wind of change comes on it's way. The love was the winner this afternoon! And two pairs of lips were on fire, just like inferno reaching the stage. Body to body, hands to hands, eyes to eyes, tongue to tongue, heart to heart, and love to love.

Spending my time

Without you! Something missing! Gone! Yes! You are gone! You are leaving without any "fullstop" to a sentence, so I could not distinguish one to another. All the meanings are having no meaning at all. Your departure is like a rain in a wintertime, creating colder even more to me in my long hibernation to son of Adams. Cold blooded, you are, YES, you are! I am dying inside while my "silent smile" on my lips is almost killing the whole parts of my heart! I know I am as cold as two sticks, but you know excatly the reason why I do! Love, that is the only one possible trigger of that! "Jealousy of love", do you have an answer to argue it? May not even me nor forsake you can figure it out. It will remain unsolve! I love you, so that is why I am jealous.

Magill, 7:54 PM Saturday, 3rd May 2014

To a man whom I adore with all my heart, the owner of my jealousy.